Wednesday, September 30, 2015
My New Normal
If I were to ask you to describe me in 1 word, what would it be?
Or would it be more real, like needy, selfish or sucker?
Right now, I'd say my 1 word for me is lost.
These past few weeks of my life are kind of a blur, kind of a mess (a lot of a mess) & something I never saw coming. (add naive)
My daughter turned 18 almost 3 weeks ago. Rules were set, expectations were expressed & they were completely disregarded. I was told it was too little too late. Too little too late to set hard & fast rules that one was expected to follow when all along, they've been given too much slack.
My daughter, a high school student, decided to move out of my house & move in with her dad the weekend she turned 18.
My daughter. The one who made me a mom.
My daughter. The one I carried inside of me & nurtured for 9 months.
My daughter. The one I have raised for 18 years.
My daughter. The one I was supposed to do fun Senior things with.
My daughter. The one I gave everything to & rarely said no to.
My daughter. The one I clearly gave too much to.
My daughter. The one I thought I was doing alright by.
My daughter. The one I made mistakes with.
My daughter. The one who chose to leave all on her own.
My daughter. The one I couldn't make stay.
I don't know how people truly view this situation or me in general. I'd like to think my friends & family understand what happened, and some do. Others, I know exactly what you think of me. I realize this wasn't a one way street. I know I'm at fault for what happened, just as much as she is, if not more.
Some will say I shouldn't be sharing this online at all. Some will wonder why I'm opening up here but not elsewhere. This is my space. This is where I can talk and not be judged (to my face). Maybe that makes me pathetic...but I don't really care.
So, this is what happened. This is my new normal...for now.