Native Texan Livin': My New Normal

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Wednesday, September 30, 2015

My New Normal


If I were to ask you to describe me in 1 word, what would it be?

Friend?

Happy?

Funny?

Or would it be more real, like needy, selfish or sucker?


Right now, I'd say my 1 word for me is lost.


These past few weeks of my life are kind of a blur, kind of a mess (a lot of a mess) & something I never saw coming. (add naive)


My daughter turned 18 almost 3 weeks ago.  Rules were set, expectations were expressed & they were completely disregarded.  I was told it was too little too late.  Too little too late to set hard & fast rules that one was expected to follow when all along, they've been given too much slack.


My daughter, a high school student, decided to move out of my house & move in with her dad the weekend she turned 18.


My daughter.  The one who made me a mom.

My daughter.  The one I carried inside of me & nurtured for 9 months.

My daughter.  The one I have raised for 18 years.

My daughter.  The one I was supposed to do fun Senior things with.

My daughter.  The one I gave everything to & rarely said no to.

My daughter.  The one I clearly gave too much to.

My daughter.  The one I thought I was doing alright by.

My daughter.  The one I made mistakes with.

My daughter.  The one who chose to leave all on her own.

My daughter.  The one I couldn't make stay.


I don't know how people truly view this situation or me in general.  I'd like to think my friends & family understand what happened, and some do.  Others, I know exactly what you think of me.  I realize this wasn't a one way street.  I know I'm at fault for what happened, just as much as she is, if not more.

Some will say I shouldn't be sharing this online at all.  Some will wonder why I'm opening up here but not elsewhere.  This is my space.  This is where I can talk and not be judged (to my face).  Maybe that makes me pathetic...but I don't really care.

So, this is what happened.  This is my new normal...for now.



3 comments:

  1. Lauren I am so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine the sadness & pain you feel. I hope you and your oldest can find common ground and enjoy this year.

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  2. Lauren I am so sorry to hear this. I can't imagine the sadness & pain you feel. I hope you and your oldest can find common ground and enjoy this year.

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  3. If the pain this brings even the ones who love you and her is so great, I can't imagine what you feel. This I DO know, though. KNOW that you are a wonderful mother. KNOW that you are an example I strive to follow. KNOW that the closeness you and your girls share, others can only wish for. KNOW that you did the right thing. Love you forever! Xoxoxo

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